I love watching Emma sleep. It gives me time to look at every little feature and think about how beautiful she is. She has been doing a lot of sleeping this week because of her cold. Watching her sleep, is when I do most of my thinking and worrying. Lately I have had those terrible "why me moments". It is almost as if I knew the reason this happened to us then I could fix it and it would go away. So many people have told me, "God gives special children to special people." I just don't agree.... I am not special. I don't think I have any quality that can make me handle this situation any better than anyone else. I am not fearless, I am not selfless, patience... well I am working on it. Maybe Emma is here to teach me these things. Maybe Emma is here to teach the world some things. Her smile alone can teach the world love.
I have been hearing this song lately and the tears start everytime.....
"I believe there are angels among us. Sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and me in our darkest hour, to teach us how to live, teach us how to give, to guide us with the light of love".
I am learning to not have pity for myself. This is not happening to me, it is happening to Emma. Emma is happy! We won't see her throwing herself a pity party. She has so much to learn but even more than this, we have so much to learn from her!